A Letter to My First Son

My brave little AJ,

Ever since you entered this world, you were a force to be reckoned with. You let yourself be known, told everyone who was boss, with your little Chewbacca rrr’s.

You’ve been strong willed since you were in my belly, never letting me eat anything you didn’t approve of. Heck, I couldn’t eat until around 6 months! You and I have always had a journey – it was just us two for two months or so while your daddy made a way for us in our new home in Washington.

You see, you have always been in my heart and on my mind. It was you I held on to when I was lonely, and I still do. I rely on your gentle hugs and kisses, you seem to understand me in a way I can’t describe.

You were the one I was hoping for, the one who healed my broken heart when I lost your first sibling…who now rests in heaven with Jesus. The hope of you got me through it all, and when you came into this world – you changed me more than I would ever know.

I held on to you, every step of the way. Impatiently waiting for your arrival. The bond that we share is beyond my simple understanding as I would shield you with my body, with my very own life I would anything to protect you little man. I love you with all my heart, soul, and very existence.

And now here we are, mommy expecting another little and you are soon to be a big brother! Mommy never expected in her wildest dreams that she could have another and although I am beyond excited for this wonderful addition, my heart breaks for the days that you will miss just having all of me – because now you will have to share me.

Although I know you are going to make an amazing older brother, I know some days will be hard for you. It breaks my heart that you will have days where you might feel alone, or left to the side. But know that you are irreplaceable to me. Having another baby will never change the love that I have for you. While watching you be a loving brother, I know my love for you will only grow.

So please remember, on the days where you feel sad because mommy couldn’t get to you as soon as you needed, know that it’s not because I love you less. Don’t believe that, find comfort in the fact that mommy knows you are an independent little guy and mommy relies on you now through this journey. You are becoming a big boy now, and as hard as that is for mommy to accept – I know you are only going to excel and do great things.

You will always be my baby, my first baby, the one I prayed for the most. The one that I shed countless tears for, the one that I was the most cautious with. God blessed me with you and I know He knew what He was doing when he brought you into my life.

Thank you for helping me realize who I truly am during all these trying times, thank you for bringing so much love and joy in to my life. Thank you for forgiving me when I loose my patience with you, you are so forgiving and loving with mommy – I honestly don’t deserve you.

I love you more than words could ever describe.

Love,

Mommy

 

Top Ten Awkward And Confusing Moments Every First Time Mother Goes Through That No One Prepares You For

There are a lot of things people warn you about when you are expecting your first child: the sleepless nights, colicky babies, the unlimited amounts of diaper changing, etc. But there are a few things that people forget to mention that I don’t think anyone can really prepare you for. Moments that get you when you least expect it which leave you shocked and just a little bit confused.

The First Time Your Baby Pee’s on You

So, you noticed your baby’s diaper is soiled; you start your diaper changing routine. And then out of nowhere – he gets you!! Not just a little bit either, enough that now the mattress is soaked and the sheets need to be thrown in the washer. Total rookie move.

Newborns Scratch Their Faces Off

No one ever warned me that babies scratch at their faces, so when I watched my little guy go to town on his little bitty face – it made me gasp in fear! I bought hand mittens and even used socks on his hands because he got them dirty so quickly. The bad thing about them was that they left his cute little hands smelling like vinegar. Once, I was backed up on laundry so I let his little hands free….BIG MISTAKE! I turn around to the shrieking sounds of my baby (not even a month old yet) pulling his own hair with all his little baby strength in a death grip, right on his soft spot!! He was screaming in pain but I think I was screaming in fear louder than him. When I finally got his grip to loosen, I held him while crying hysterically and giving him little baby kisses. It was one of the most traumatizing experiences as of yet.

The Dreaded Car Seat.

I don’t know what it is about that car seat that makes my kid go bonkers but for the first few months, going anywhere was just dreadful. The look he gives me after he’s finally strapped in, then he sees me get up to go to the front seat – is that of ultimate betrayal. There is nothing more stressful than to hear the cries and screams of your child coming from the backseat of your car and fighting every urge to just stop the car and jump back there to soothe him. If my husband is driving, I will just jump back there mid drive to try and stop the madness.

Poopie Leaks

Always happens at the most inopportune time but you hear it…then you see it. That moment when you’re out in public and your kid poops himself.  Then you realize the poop somehow made its way out of the diaper and in my case – always makes it on to his upper back! How the heck did it even get there???!! I run to the restroom holding my baby like a football and diaper bag in the other hand, use all the wipes and realize…I FORGOT TO PACK THAT EXTRA ONESIE!  -_-

Pretending to be asleep

My son always fights his sleep, as if he’s going to miss out on some secret party he thinks me and his dad are throwing. He’s also a light sleeper so when rocking him to sleep, he sometimes wakes up a little bit earlier than anticipated.  When he does this, I shut my eyes and pretend I’m sleeping in hopes that he will just go back to sleep. I’ll even throw in some fake snoring to make it believable. Sometimes, he buys it and goes back to sleep! It’s the little victories in life!!

Breastfeeding in public

Some women are really good with this concept, for me however I just couldn’t get over my shyness. I didn’t want anyone starring at me while my baby ate, or judging me so I always felt a little awkward when I needed to feed my little guy. Instead, I would go hide somewhere to feed him: the backseat of the car, in the bathrooms at the restaurants we would eat at, etc. I tried nursing covers but they seem to attract more attention and made my little guy hot. I always admired the women who were strong enough to nurse in public and handle public ridicule with boldness and grace.

The Boob Snatching

That awkward moment when you’re having a conversation with someone and your baby  thinks it’s a good idea to pull your shirt down, almost exposing your breasts to the world. You try to stop him but he then thinks it’s funny to go ahead and motorboat you. -_- This is his way of saying, “mommy, I’m hungry – stop talking and give me the boobies!”

Using Your Bra as the Ultimate Holder Keeper

There are a few things that I always need in a case of an emergency but always seem to loose.  However, it seems like there is never enough time to reach for those items due to the excessive crying so out of desperation, I have resorted to stashing them in my bra. These things include:

  1. The Pacifier. In times when the baby just needs to be pacified.
  2. My nipple guard. For nursing and to prevent biting. Because baby boy needs to eat.. NOW!!

You Learn to Eat In Less than 5 Minutes

If you even get time to eat a whole meal, consider yourself lucky! Most of the time, if I have a second to eat – I usually just snatch a snack sized meal that comes from a box or that I can microwave in just a few seconds. Then, when I attempt to eat it – I have to fight the grasps and reaches from my little guy. He usually climbs on my face and uses my hair as rope while he tries to reach for my food. It’s like a modern day baby wrestling match. If I don’t share my food with him, he grunts and smacks my face in protest. I pick my battles and he’s a bit of a bully.

Eww..What’s that smell?

Yea, that’s you. If you even get a chance to take a shower, it better be 3 minutes or less. My little guy hates if I’m not in his sight, so putting him down is something that usually never gets done. I even have to hold him while he sleeps because he wouldn’t have it any other way. If I want a longer shower time, I have to wait for my husband to get home from work and practically beg him to hold the baby while I take a shower. Asking for time to blow dry my hair would be pushing it. As soon as I leave the room, the baby already starts crying! I’ve started to shower with him now, which at least gets me to a happy medium but I feel like it’s not very productive.

Now, these are my top ten but I’m sure there are many other moments I may be leaving out. What are your awkward moments not listed above? Share by posting in the comment box below.