It has taken a few weeks for me to finish this post, mostly because I really wanted to make sure it didn’t come across too negatively to my readers. After coming back from my trip to California to visit family, and then during the 4th of July holiday, I really took some time to be present in my family and reevaluate a few things.
I have mentioned before that I really struggle to be present and focused sometimes, over indulging in my technology due to social media, emails, blogging, etc. It get’s very challenging sometimes, trying to keep up with this social media game where you’re constantly chasing after more followers or likes in order to maintain some sort of relevancy on social media. It’s just the nature of the game- blogging is a competitive thing where there are so many talented bloggers out there that you have to make sure you are always creating great content. It gets challenging for me because I have to constantly remind myself why I’m doing it all the while trying to stay true to myself.
Lately it had been feeling very forced for me, always chasing after that perfectly staged picture that just never feels natural. Getting overwhelmed by trying to finish writing a post, product review, all while making sure my toddler gets fed, bathed, watched, etc. I’m in my third trimester so running after him and making sure all his needs get met is physically exhausting because I’m caring another little in my belly. He is a handful and he needs my patience more than anything, but there are times where he really pushes me and I feel badly for having my attention elsewhere all because I’m doing the “blogging” thing.
So why did I start this blogging adventure?
I did it because I wanted to share my experience. I know I’m not the only hot mess mom out there, still trying to hold on to the little bit of identity left within her. You know, everything you loose in the process of motherhood because you are no longer just for yourself – but you belong to your children. You start to dedicate your life more to shaping and creating the lives and atmosphere of your tiny humans. Whatever time left you may have for yourself, you will probably find it schlumped over the couch trying to catch up on sleep.
I did it because there are stories to tell, that could help others like myself. Especially when it comes to my faith. I try to stay true, I try to provide a hope and an outlet for others that may be struggling with the same experiences. I want to give others hope through my failures – maybe provide for a reason to laugh. I am not perfect, and thankfully God does not require you to be, but it’s my way to reach out there to people I may not have ever gotten a chance to meet personally – and maybe form a connection. Through that connection, maybe I could offer support or healing.
I did it because, I enjoy to write. Not everyone is going to like what I write, but its always been an outlet for me to let it out and keep my sanity. Ever since I could remember, I’ve had a notebook full of thoughts, poems, stories and songs.
So then, why have I become so obsessed with the number of followers and likes on my pictures? Why have I become so focused on the number of comments on my pictures? Am I getting away from why I started this in the first place?
I took a few weeks off just so that I could ground myself and realize that although I may not have all the followers or picture likes in the world – that is not why I started all of this. I do not want to force real connections or real engagement. If that means it may take me more time to build those relationships, then so be it. I want to be able to present during life and not miss out on every milestone that my kiddo goes through. I don’t want to force him to take that “perfect” picture only for him to hate being in front of the camera because mommy is making him take another picture. I want to laugh, I want to live, I want to be present and just be in the moment.
So I encourage you to let life happen and just be apart of the ride. Take that picture, post it, and who cares if it isn’t in the perfect lighting. Be blind fully present, take in the moments because one day, they will just be pictures and memories. Enjoy your lives, don’t live it for others or for that perfect moment of product placement. Be authentically you, even if the picture doesn’t agree, or the hashtag doesn’t fit. Be true to yourself.