My husband and I always had an amazing connection. When we first dated, it seemed as if we just couldn’t stay away from each other. After we got married, people would tell us that once we passed that “honeymoon phase” we would start to tire from one another. Well, I can confidently say that we have been together for almost 9 years and that couldn’t be farther from the truth. In fact, I feel like I long for him more now than ever.
After having a baby, obviously things change. Priorities shift and the baby becomes the center of the love and attention. We went from being a couple that would constantly have date nights to mom and dad – the feeding and poop changing machines. Parents who made their child the ultimate priority and along the way had a little less time to cherish each other.
My son didn’t like sharing the “milk machine” with daddy, he would cry out whenever he saw mommy and daddy sharing a kiss. It didn’t help that we had just moved to Washington a few months before I had my son, he was our first baby and all our family and friends lived in California. This meant I had no help; no one to help me watch the baby, no babysitter, no nothing. My husband sometimes worked 12 hour days so I would always feel guilty asking for his help when he came home so sometimes I just toughed it out. Aside from all the obstacles, we still made it work but forgot about ourselves along the way. No help meant, no more alone time, no more date nights, no indulging in our love for one another.
I started to miss my husband. How he would randomly take me to dinner and a movie. How we would just hold hands everywhere we went. Just simply enjoying one another. We didn’t have that anymore, and we both missed it. I didn’t have time to get gussied up for him anymore. He went from seeing me wear my tight fitting sexy outfits to mostly wearing a uniform of sweat pants and oversized t-shirts, that belonged to him. I didn’t feel sexy anymore, I didn’t feel like ME.
Still, despite of how I started to feel about myself – he still called me sexy. He still told me how beautiful I was every single day, even though I didn’t FEEL beautiful. It was enough to help me keep it together because I still needed him to love me, just like he still needed me to love him.
I started feeling badly because I couldn’t give him the same. But I made it my mission to give him whatever I had left. Whatever energy I had left, when he came home – I made sure he knew I missed him. Every phone call he made to me, I told him how much I appreciated him and how much I loved him. I couldn’t wait till he got home so that I could have a plate ready for him for dinner. With whatever I have left, he will know that I miss him.
I still do my best, and although sometimes I fall short… I know he knows how much I love him. Because a man that can still see beauty in you when you cannot, is a keeper and I treasure him.