There are a lot of things people warn you about when you are expecting your first child: the sleepless nights, colicky babies, the unlimited amounts of diaper changing, etc. But there are a few things that people forget to mention that I don’t think anyone can really prepare you for. Moments that get you when you least expect it which leave you shocked and just a little bit confused.
The First Time Your Baby Pee’s on You
So, you noticed your baby’s diaper is soiled; you start your diaper changing routine. And then out of nowhere – he gets you!! Not just a little bit either, enough that now the mattress is soaked and the sheets need to be thrown in the washer. Total rookie move.
Newborns Scratch Their Faces Off
No one ever warned me that babies scratch at their faces, so when I watched my little guy go to town on his little bitty face – it made me gasp in fear! I bought hand mittens and even used socks on his hands because he got them dirty so quickly. The bad thing about them was that they left his cute little hands smelling like vinegar. Once, I was backed up on laundry so I let his little hands free….BIG MISTAKE! I turn around to the shrieking sounds of my baby (not even a month old yet) pulling his own hair with all his little baby strength in a death grip, right on his soft spot!! He was screaming in pain but I think I was screaming in fear louder than him. When I finally got his grip to loosen, I held him while crying hysterically and giving him little baby kisses. It was one of the most traumatizing experiences as of yet.
The Dreaded Car Seat.
I don’t know what it is about that car seat that makes my kid go bonkers but for the first few months, going anywhere was just dreadful. The look he gives me after he’s finally strapped in, then he sees me get up to go to the front seat – is that of ultimate betrayal. There is nothing more stressful than to hear the cries and screams of your child coming from the backseat of your car and fighting every urge to just stop the car and jump back there to soothe him. If my husband is driving, I will just jump back there mid drive to try and stop the madness.
Always happens at the most inopportune time but you hear it…then you see it. That moment when you’re out in public and your kid poops himself. Then you realize the poop somehow made its way out of the diaper and in my case – always makes it on to his upper back! How the heck did it even get there???!! I run to the restroom holding my baby like a football and diaper bag in the other hand, use all the wipes and realize…I FORGOT TO PACK THAT EXTRA ONESIE! -_-
Pretending to be asleep
My son always fights his sleep, as if he’s going to miss out on some secret party he thinks me and his dad are throwing. He’s also a light sleeper so when rocking him to sleep, he sometimes wakes up a little bit earlier than anticipated. When he does this, I shut my eyes and pretend I’m sleeping in hopes that he will just go back to sleep. I’ll even throw in some fake snoring to make it believable. Sometimes, he buys it and goes back to sleep! It’s the little victories in life!!
Breastfeeding in public
Some women are really good with this concept, for me however I just couldn’t get over my shyness. I didn’t want anyone starring at me while my baby ate, or judging me so I always felt a little awkward when I needed to feed my little guy. Instead, I would go hide somewhere to feed him: the backseat of the car, in the bathrooms at the restaurants we would eat at, etc. I tried nursing covers but they seem to attract more attention and made my little guy hot. I always admired the women who were strong enough to nurse in public and handle public ridicule with boldness and grace.
The Boob Snatching
That awkward moment when you’re having a conversation with someone and your baby thinks it’s a good idea to pull your shirt down, almost exposing your breasts to the world. You try to stop him but he then thinks it’s funny to go ahead and motorboat you. -_- This is his way of saying, “mommy, I’m hungry – stop talking and give me the boobies!”
Using Your Bra as the Ultimate Holder Keeper
There are a few things that I always need in a case of an emergency but always seem to loose. However, it seems like there is never enough time to reach for those items due to the excessive crying so out of desperation, I have resorted to stashing them in my bra. These things include:
- The Pacifier. In times when the baby just needs to be pacified.
- My nipple guard. For nursing and to prevent biting. Because baby boy needs to eat.. NOW!!
You Learn to Eat In Less than 5 Minutes
If you even get time to eat a whole meal, consider yourself lucky! Most of the time, if I have a second to eat – I usually just snatch a snack sized meal that comes from a box or that I can microwave in just a few seconds. Then, when I attempt to eat it – I have to fight the grasps and reaches from my little guy. He usually climbs on my face and uses my hair as rope while he tries to reach for my food. It’s like a modern day baby wrestling match. If I don’t share my food with him, he grunts and smacks my face in protest. I pick my battles and he’s a bit of a bully.
Eww..What’s that smell?
Yea, that’s you. If you even get a chance to take a shower, it better be 3 minutes or less. My little guy hates if I’m not in his sight, so putting him down is something that usually never gets done. I even have to hold him while he sleeps because he wouldn’t have it any other way. If I want a longer shower time, I have to wait for my husband to get home from work and practically beg him to hold the baby while I take a shower. Asking for time to blow dry my hair would be pushing it. As soon as I leave the room, the baby already starts crying! I’ve started to shower with him now, which at least gets me to a happy medium but I feel like it’s not very productive.
Now, these are my top ten but I’m sure there are many other moments I may be leaving out. What are your awkward moments not listed above? Share by posting in the comment box below.